So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
