The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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