New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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