Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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