i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
