let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
