It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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