Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
