wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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