Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
