my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
