I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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