Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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