I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just invented taco cereal.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
