They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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