You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
