you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
