I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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