I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
