Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
