so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
