I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
