I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
