okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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