If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
