He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
