I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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