I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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