Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
