I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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