well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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