mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize