During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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