i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
