his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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