we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
