I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
