So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
