I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
