HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
