dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
thus making me awesome and them whores
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
