Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
