Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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