Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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