Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
