if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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