I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
