I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
