my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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