come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
