he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize