Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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