I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize