Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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