Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
