My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we made out on top of his cat.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
