just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
