Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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