Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
