Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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