My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
