my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
