So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
