1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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