just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
