I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
