Everything about him screamed your future.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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