im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
