I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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